When I was a college student with a second hand inexpensive car, things frequently came up that needed fixing. Usually something like a water pump, transmission service, new timing belt, or spark plugs. On those days, with my car in the shop, my dad was often the one available to bring me to school and work. Being the last minute person I am, my routine usually was to wake up late, leave late, and dodge through traffic where I spent a ridiculous amount of time circling the parking lot and walking my little legs as fast as I could to class only to arrive out of breath and late. So, those days when I counted on my dad for a ride, I wasn’t able to control the speed of the vehicle, which, for my dad is typically a slow meandering pace with more watching everything on the side of the road than on the road. We’d get in the car, running late, (which of course was my fault) and work our way through New Orleans I-10 traffic. Cars would pass and dad would engage in conversation with me, as I prayed he would remember I don’t talk in the morning. He’s never been one to dodge in and out of traffic, pass other cars, or speed through yellow lights. More often than not, he drives just under the speed limit, which is excruciating painful when you’re already late and have no control over navigating through traffic. And yet, somehow, by some mysterious magical forces of the universe, I would always arrive much faster than if I were driving by rushing and weaving through traffic. It wasn’t just a lucky day, this would happen consistently, nearly every time I was in the car with him. I always wondered, "How did this happen?" Perplexed and curious, how is it possible to move at a slower pace and yet arrive like you’ve been driving at 90 mph instead of 50 mph? I’ve got a few thoughts...
As I’ve grown older and bumped up against life enough times to cause some pretty gnarly scrapes and bruises, I’ve gravitated towards mindfulness based practices which have shed some light on components of this magical time shifting.
There are 3 specific things I found in my dad’s ninja driving that I was missing in my attempt to hyper-navigate traffic.
Ease – My dad drives with ease. (A little too much according to my mother). It’s the ease of a retired courier and fisherman with no major looming stressful deadlines. It’s the laid back presence of simply noticing the old buildings, the wildlife, and the rising and falling of waterways (again, my mother keeps him in check, “Fred! The road!” Dad’s response, “Gloria! I see the road!” -- I digress). It’s the ease of taking time to notice life around him while he’s navigating, as opposed to always rushing to a destination.
Steadiness – There’s a steadiness in his driving. Often slow, but not lagging. We don’t pull over to look at old buildings and get lost and abandon the journey. He has a direction and a purpose, but there’s no rush. He simply applies a constant and steady forward motion towards our destination. He doesn’t speed up and then slam on the breaks or rev the engine and weave in and around other vehicles. Emotions aren’t high and filled with rage, or then filled with victory as we bypass 10 cars. He doesn’t engage in competing with other vehicles or getting ahead. He slowly comes to a complete stop when approaching a stop sign, he slows down when the light turns yellow, and when the light turns green he eases onto the gas and we continue onward. He recognizes his own journey and pace, knowing we will arrive when we arrive.
Surrender – When he’s driving, there is a surrender. He knows we are at the mercy of traffic. There could be accidents on the road, there could be a million various obstacles in our way. Or a train. There’s always a train. And back home they are long sloooow cargo trains. When one of those beasts stop you, there’s nothing to do but shift your car into park and close your eyes for a nap. You can feel the surrender in his driving. He does the work of moving the vehicle safely through traffic to the best of his ability and surrenders the rest and trusts we will arrive to our destination in our own perfect time.
Contrast that to my anxiety fear ridden morning drives on the I-10 to school everyday. My mental state was stressed and stomach in knots. I was trying to control things outside of my control. Most of the time was spent speeding up only to slam on my brakes or trying to figure out which lane was the fastest. By the time I arrived, I was mentally and physically exhausted, late, and I did it to myself. I didn’t know I could choose how to navigate. I thought morning traffic = stressful driving. I didn’t know I could choose ease.
The thing about this is, it’s applicable to all of life and not only navigating traffic. How are you “driving” your business/job, your personal life, romantic relationships, fitness and health, or even your spiritual life? Do you find yourself rushing through hyper-focused on the destination and everything else is lost? Are you weaving in and out of traffic so much that you are completely exhausted or have crashed your car? Are you so anxious and fearful that you’re getting into unnecessary conflicts with others on the road? Does your vehicle need an oil change that you’re ignoring? Is your engine overheating? Have you checked your tires? How do you feel?
For many of us, encouraging a state of ease feels opposite of what we need to do to get where we want. The messages we hear all the time are a lot about the “hustle” and getting things done and going, going, going. I’m not suggesting to abandon the “hustle”, but simply look at how you are “hustling”. Can you still “hustle" with a sense of ease? I’d would offer up, “Yes, you can!!” Not only is it possible, but you just might find yourself becoming a timeshifting ninja.
